Self-Serving/Transcript
Cheese Customer: Do you carry cheese? Brent Leroy: Yeah, it's in the dairy cooler. Cheese Customer: What kinds do you have? Brent: We got all five. Cheese Customer: Five? There are more than five kinds of cheese. There are hundreds. Brent: Ha, ha, hundreds. There are five. Cheddar, Swiss, Motza, Parmesan and Whiz. Cheese Customer: Whiz? Brent: Cheese Whiz. Where are you from? Cheese Customer: That's not a type, it's a brand. Brent: Kraft is the brand, Whiz is the type. Cheese Customer: Whiz is the brand, Kraft is the company, spreadable is the type. Brent: Kraft is the maker, Whiz is the cheese and spreadable is just an added benefit. Cheese Customer: You don't know a lot about cheese, do you? Brent: I know is was kept in a cooler. Brent: Are you stuck in traffic? Lacey Burrows: Do you think you could do this? Brent: I think I can, I think I can. Lacey: You know, the "Little Train That Could" actually did. It wouldn't have been much of a story if he didn't. Brent: Well, I have a post-modern take on it. Lacey: Oh, Brent, I just want some gas. Brent: Well, help yourself. Lacey: Will you charge me less? Brent: No. Hanging out with me is part of the service. Like, this delightful banter that we're having now. Lacey: Well, how about you offer self-serve for a lower price with no banter at all. Brent: But, then people wouldn't get to enjoy my wit. Lacey: There are a lot of people who don't enjoy your wit. Hank Yarbo: Hey guys, I'm selling my old laptop. You wanna buy it? Emma Leroy: Ah, no thanks, Hank. Oscar Leroy: I could use a solitaire machine. How much do you want for it? Hank: Ah, 50 bucks. Oscar: Maybe I will buy it. It will save me on having to buy new decks of cards. Emma: Oh, that should pay for itself in about a 110 years. And here I thought you wanted it for a stupid reason. Hank: So? Emma: He's not buying it. Oscar, tell him you're not buying it. Oscar: I'm not buying it. I'll buy it. I'll meet you later. Karen Pelly: Wow. Ever since the Weekly World News went bankrupt, the Howler has become such a rag. I mean, come on, "Sasquatch Spotted in Rehab?" Wanda Dollard: Bet is takes a lot of booze to get Sasquatch drunk. Karen: It goes on to say that Sasquatch is going to China to adopt a baby after he gets cleaned up. Wanda: You see, that's a dying art. Starting a believable rumour. You have to have fake sources, you have to have a plausible premise. Karen: Let me guess, you're an expert on it? Wanda: Well, in high school I was known as the rumour queen. Karen: You always claim you're the best at something. Wanda: I didn't say I was the best. I said I was the queen. But I was the best. Karen: Fine. You are the best at spreading rumours. No one in Dog River, no, too small, no one in Saskatchewan is better than you at spreading rumours. Wanda: I'm sensing sarcasm. Karen: Oh, well I bet in high school you were the best at sensing sarcasm. Wanda: Well, I don't want to brag but yeah, I was. Davis Quinton: Hey, I hear you're selling your old laptop. Hank: Not anymore, I got a buyer. Davis: Ah, that's too bad, I'm looking for one. Oh well, that's the way the cookie crumbles. Or in this case, the way the laptop gets sold to someone else. Hank: Yeah, I love that expression. Davis: Oh well, it's just as well. I guess I'll take that 150 bucks and start saving for a new one. Hank: Oh, 150? Oh, for the laptop. I thought you said lap, lap dog. Ahem, yeah, I might be able to help you out. Wanda: Hey, did you hear this rumour going around that Karen got a really low score on her police IQ test? Helen Jensen: Uh, that doesn't sound true. Wanda: It is though. Helen: Well, I find it hard to believe. Wanda: Really? Helen: Well, maybe if I was in high school or something I'd believe it. Wanda: I think it sounds pretty plausible. Helen: See ya, Wanda. Wanda: Emma told me. Helen: Emma said it? Wanda: Yeah. Helen: Maybe it is true. Wanda: Yeah. All hail the rumour queen. Helen: What? Wanda: Nothing. I forgot how slow you move. Helen: What? Wanda: Nothing. Davis: All right, self-serve! I'll do that, and it's less. Brent: Well, it is but then you don't get to hang out with me and get all the benefits... Brent: I don't know about this self-serve thing, it doesn't feel right. Lacey: Hmm, what's the problem? Finding out that people don't mind paying less to not hang out with you? Brent: If self-serve is so great, why don't you offer self-serve? Lacey: Brent: Lacey: Brent: Lacey: Category:Transcripts